Progress

Under current circumstances, I am sure you'll forgive me for not blogging sooner. My sweet little girl has decided to reduce her night time sleeping a little bit, which is a mild concern. Translated: my darling little one has decided to become a cling on, crying hysterically if her mumma doesn't cuddle her constantly during the evening hours, which is positively the most annoying, life draining pain in the butt ever (the not sleeping- not my little girl). 

During this pleasant time, I may have deviated from my healthy eating regime, just a little. Ok, truth. A. Lot. Nothing says "move outta my way and let me eat those darn carbs!" quite like a few weeks of a new born baby sleeping pattern with a megga energetic toddler. 

There are some positive aspects to come out of this. I have been able to train. Certainly slow progress, but as we all know, slow and steady wins the race. After a miraculous, almost perfect sleep last night (almost- but not quite), I managed to train this morning. I am recovering quicker than the first week, and instead of wondering how on earth I will ever move or walk again, I am now wondering when I can push on to the next level of resistance. Go me! Though the scales say I have gained a tiny bit of weight, I'm not discouraged. I am definitely stronger, and my hips have shrunk slightly. Very encouraging!

Another positive is the realisation that its OK to slow down when going through a tough season. I owe nothing to anyone except my husband and girls (overseas student included). If all I do in a day is hug my toddler and make sure she is loved, and the others are too, whether I make it to gym or not (or get outta my pj's or not!) doesn't matter- I've had a successful day. Keeping things in perspective really matters during certain challenging times.

Next week, my summer subject starts for uni. I hope and pray my little girl sleeps. If she doesn't, I will aim at doing my best under current circumstances. It's the best I can do, and I will be kind to myself. Remember, we love others as we love ourselves, so being kind to ourselves vital. 

Self love also means being kind to my body. Hubby and I discussed this. Even when tired, I need to train at least twice a week, even if only at half pace. No point in staying weak and unfit- that helps no-one. That also applies to eating. Granted, exhaustion does make will power almost impossible to enforce at times, but I can't keep over-eating carbs until my bubba sleeps better. That could be months away! No, positive control has to be put in place. And this blog will once again keep me motivated. It worked before, so I know I can do it again!

Now, let me catch you up on some inspirational photos; healthy food and the stunning area I am blessed to live in!

A healthy veg shop. 

I love the colours, and by buying your fave fruit & veg, it's almost a guarantee you'll eat healthier.

Stunning Cabba Headland. 

Hubby and I still try to have date days where possible, and a nice walk often makes us both happy.

Another headland pic. 

Beautiful Sth Beach, Kingscliff.

Cudgera Creek, my fave place.

Exploring with daddy :)

Another Cudgera Creek snap.

Just so beautiful here.

An example of a healthy lunch of mine.

An old fave: Zucchini quiche/ slice...

...served with a simple tomato/ fresh home grown basil salad.

A lean chicken breast salad.

2 coconut cream/ chia/ berry smoothies I pre-prepared for breakfast to soak overnight.

Rockmelon flower- perfect brunch.

Trying to wear my sweet little girl out! 

She loves the freedom of running on the beach, even after a night of limited sleep.

And that is your lot for another day. I hope to be back much sooner, but I will at least attempt to keep a food diary and weigh in weekly again. 

Until next time, thanks for reading :)

Bringing you up to speed

Welcome back! It has been a little too long, wouldn't you agree. 

I am sure though, the wait has been worth it. I have sooo much to tell!

However, as regular readers will know, we must begin with some beautiful scenery, and maybe food :)

Bedroom window sunset views.

An amazing, slow roasted veg vegan curry. Addictive! 

Beautiful Tweed River.

Hubby and I dolled to the 9's for a Black Tie night. Yes, we do look hot. Thank you for noticing :)

Another stunning bedroom window sunset snap.

A beautiful morning greeting from my back yard.

There, now that the prettiness is out of the way, let's get into the fun part- finding out about my life! As I have so much to share, I will lay this out in point form. 

• A Tassie Holiday! You may remember my last post, where I talked of my loss and grief. Thankfully, soon after, hubby, bubby and I went to my hometown to stay with relatives and have a brilliant getaway. We were spoiled, explored, stayed in a manor, saw amazing scenery and fell in love with many aspects of this amazing state. We can afford to live there too, but decided to bring the closeness and culture we found back up with us. 

• Sadly, in Tassie, my sweet bubby came down with a raging ear infection. Then hubby got ill too. Though we still managed a great holiday, it was exhausting with health issues. On our way home 12 days later, I got ill. And then, our little family got virus after virus for what felt like forever more. In reality, at one point, the total was 4 viruses in 8 weeks! Insanity right there. But what can you do when these things happen, except weather the snotty storms, and take out shares in a chemist. 

• During the snotty storms, I was attempting uni. Uni actually started whilst I commenced my holiday, but study failed to happen while away for many, many reasons.  Once back, I found getting into it a little daunting at first. But thus far, I have received a credit and a distinction for my efforts. I am nervously awaiting 2 more marks as I type! So far, so good, so fingers crossed!

• Dealing with post miscarriage issues was also a bit challenging during all of this. My body still had strong pregnancy hormones for most of my holiday. The second they stopped, I got a massive bleed, completely out of cycle rhythm. The next bleed occurred when back, way over a month later, and was an anovulatory one- ie: no egg. I found that quite depressing. Apparently, falling pregnant is high immediately after a miscarriage. I can only assume that doesn't apply to perimenopausal woman. 

• On a positive note, my cycles have been text book spot on lately. A good sign. I'm just not sure I want to go down that road again. I am so far doing well at, and enjoying uni. I have just joined a new gym and the thought of being fit and super strong again excites me. And- my sweet bubby is a super energetic, gorgeous, chatty, funny, demanding toddler, who daily delights my soul. I don't feel ripped off by loss but incredibly blessed with my current lot. I think that means I'm ok with losing a baby. The pain has gone. 

• I am also suffering horribly with mood swings. A normal, but completely unbearable side effect of slowly losing my reproductive womanhood. Its more than a little difficult to cope with. Exercise definitely helps, as does the right food. Waiting to fall pregnant again doesn't sounds appealing when the things that balance me out prevent pregnancy. Big decision looming!

• A month ago, I should probably add, we accepted another sweet German teen. We hadn't planned on more students until my now non teen moves out. This sweet girl was painfully homesick and not happy in her current placement, so we were asked if she could stay with us for 3 months. How could we refuse?! So, bubby came out of her room and into ours. I'm not sure hubby and I are loving the experience! Privacy and sleep are out of the question, but it certainly makes for an interesting, crazy, messy, fun season :) 

• In regards to the gym, I needed to do something! Remember all my healthy eating? Out the window these past few months whilst dealing with illness and chronic sleep deprivation. The result? A weight gain of nearly 6 kilo's, an unfit body, and a raging sugar addiction to boot. Groan. It was me who allowed myself to get this way, and me who needs to take positive steps to reclaim health. I can't keep eating for fatigue- that only leads to more health issues and weight gain. Time to take back my health!

• I love negotiating. I was debating whether or not to join my non teens gym, when my old one contacted me. I told them I could get a better deal when they replied with a nearly $200 discount and an extra month thrown in. Yay! I also booked a proper personal trainer. What do I mean by proper? Someone doing a university degree in health and rehabilitation recovery, who knows human bodies, assesses your movement abilities, commitment levels and past and present injuries. After my initial consult and bio scan ( I'm now in the overweight category) I'm a bit excited for tomorrow mornings first training!

• My only criticism of the plan is my daily calorie limit. I find that system very outdated. Portion control- Yes! Whole food- Absolutely! But low fat foods are typically manufactured that way and, in my opinion, should not be recommended to people. They are often higher in sugar too. Anyway, calories are not equal. If I eat 100gms of sugary, starchy food, it will NOT have the same effect as a high protein food. And saturated fat is not the enemy, even though it blows a low cal diet plan out the window. So, my goal is to reduce portions, eat as much real food as possible, avoid carby comfort eating and not calorie count. Oh, and exercise at least 3 days a week!

That is where I am up to for now. I aim to blog at least weekly from now on, so you can follow my progress.

I hope you have enjoyed that informative bit of info and some lovely scenery. I will remake and post that vegan curry too- it's cheap as chips to make and as health as it is delicious!

Until next time, thanks for reading :)

Riding the emotional roller-coaster.

I'm so glad I said see you later, not good bye, because now I can pop in and chat with you all when time allows. Today, however, I am making time. Time is a very precious thing. 

I have been riding the emotional roller coaster the past several days. Today,  I had closure when the Dr rang with the news I had already suspected. The sweet little life I had conceived did not survive my bleed. Just like that.

I should begin where all good stories begin, at the start. To refresh your memory, recently, as pointed out in my Time Marches On post, I mentioned that my fertility was on its way out. As my doctor so eloquently stated on my test results- 'You are definitely drying up!' (lucky I like her as a doctor!) She later apologised if it came across too harsh at a check up-she was trying to keep it light hearted. I am learning to be thick skinned-good practice! I was then informed that I would struggle to fall pregnant at all and if hadn't happened in several months, there were some fertility options available if we wanted to go down that road. 

We also discussed my age. Basically, I get the feeling certain people are questioning why would someone my age want another child? I pointed out that my husband is actually 12 years younger than me, a brilliant daddy, and was headed towards financial security with his university studies. And I also stated that I adore being a mum at this age. Seriously- I wished I was this mum 20 years ago. Every day with my sweet little girl is genuinely the biggest blessing.

May I please get on my soap box for a moment. I am aware disabilities can occur. They can occur at any age- of not just the mother to be, but once a child is born. Heaven forbid we only accept healthy babies only to have a terrible illness or accident render them disabled and needing higher care. Surely, people have more compassion and inner strength than that? I worked with disabled adults who were either that way from birth, illness and/or accidents. No one is guaranteed a perfect, functional life. It's a privilege when we do have that. For me, it's easy to accept a less than 'perfect' baby, should that occur, because a life is a life, and every life deserves a chance. And as for my age- I'm not promised tomorrow- no one is. I may die in my 60's, or I may survive to be a fiery, eccentric, fuzzy pink haired, large hipped granny with cottage cheese thighs of 90 plus years (highly likely, I say!). I plan to cram a lot of quality of life into those years. Every day counts and is precious.

Now, back to the story. As recommended by my doctor, I started charting my ovulation. I did have an anovulatory cycle a few cycles back. That means no egg came out and no normal period. Pretty normal for a peri-menopausal woman. But this month, I tested positive to ovulation. I was over the moon. 2 weeks later, my period didn't show. I tried a home pregnancy test. Negative. I went to the shops the next day and purchased a more sensitive test. Positive- the day after my periods were due! The second we had started properly trying- I fell pregnant straight away! At that point, I was thrilled to have just made it that far. Shocked and thrilled to be truthful. 

I managed to see my Dr that morning, and she ordered blood tests. No news is good news. Two HCG (human chorionic gonadotropin- the hormone measured in pregnancy tests) showed great numbers that doubled in the appropriate times frame. I was starting to feel moody, having vivid dreams already, extremely fatigued and feeling a little nauseous. 

Then, the cramps, dizziness and blood loss began. I went back to my Dr this week. I showed photo's (ex nurse/carer- don't look at my phone images before meals!). She wasn't concerned at all. I did bleed 3 times with my last pregnancy, and we know how that ended :) To be sure, she requested another HCG level. Two days later, I got a call I wan't expecting. I was devastated. My heart broke. The hormone level had not increased at all. That was yesterday. Yesterday was also the day I stared uni. I read a lot of pages online, but not sure how much I have retained.

Just like that- hope had been taken away. For a brief moment, I felt the surge of joy that holding new life so intimately brings. I dreamed. I imagined. I hoped.

When the Dr rang today with final test results, I accepted the news. I still feel sad when I mention it out loud, and I still tear up. I am also still testing very pregnant. The pregnancy hormones are still at a high enough level to do so for a little while yet. It doesn't make it easy. Hubby is gutted. He did an exam and handed in final assignments this week, all while this was happening. It's been a rather epic roller coaster ride for us. 

Yet today, I feel at peace. There is hope! I can conceive naturally. I got to feel that joy once again. I am an incredibly privileged woman.

I will leave you with some beautiful scenery, the top three taken last week at beautiful Kingscliff creek, and the bottom two taken today. 

Thank you for sharing my journey. I welcome feedback, but I ask, please keep it respectful.

Until next time, thanks for reading :)

Beautiful Cudgera Creek, Kingscliff, on a glorious winters day...

...the water is so clear...

...so grateful to live where I do.

My sweet bubby girl discovered she can in fact crawl over the log into the garden today. She wouldn't budge- she loves dirt!

This child does my soul good.

I needed a retail therapy session today. Actually, boringly practical as ever, I purchased hubby, bubby and myself thermals and the like for our chilly Tasmanian holiday next weekend.

This view on the way home was the perfect end to the day.

I have so much to look forward to, and so much to be grateful for, I can't possibly stay sad.

It's see you later, not good bye.

Welcome back! This is my final post, for now anyway. As the title says, it's not good bye, but see you later. Life with a very, very active toddler, a full time studying hubby and my own degree to pick up in a few weeks is sufficient for now, thanks! 

I have crammed as much into this post as is humanly possible. Given my constant state of running after a mini, chubby, adorable human who barely allows me time to cook, you should be impressed people. Heck, I am!

Lets start the day off with this divine, moorish peanut butter banana bread. I purchased a ginormous amount of bananas at Woollies recently on super sale. Obviously, we couldn't eat them all before needing to freeze the remainder. So, what do you do with frozen bananas. This! By halving the whole wheat and adding coconut flour, and halving the coconut oil and adding peanut butter, I made something that ruined ordinary banana bread for me for ever and ever.

It freezes brilliantly and tastes oh so good. 

Regular readers will be aware of my loathing of waste. This frittata was largely made out of large beetroot leaves. Why waste perfectly good food? Granted, the younger beetroot leaves are softer and sweeter, but there is absolutely nothing wrong with the tougher, larger leaves. Just treat them differently, ie, cook them! This was really good, and gluten free too.

Look at this people- 58.5 kilo's-ten kilo's lighter than when I started this blog. Go me!! I made it to my goal weight. Ok, I am half a kilo over, but that was due to a few naughty treats. I feel amazing, have kept this weight reasonably consistently for a few months now. I am proud, and have enough inner strength now to get back on track when temptation visits, via the fridge or pantry :) 

Here is some scenery for your viewing pleasure. I don't always see them anymore. I am always thrilled when I get to capture a gorgeous morning.

I made these for hubby and my soon to be non teen a few nights back. I didn't eat any. Considering how much I HEART pastry, I am a legend.

I purchased a rather large pumpkin last week and almost forgot about it until I opened the pantry and nearly tripped over it. So, here we have it, rolled out ready to be baked...

...and here is the result: pumpkin scones. I did eat these. Yummmm!

Recipe at the end of the post.

Here is the beginning of my chicken hot pot, with my very own home made tomato sauce on top  (sauce recipe at the end of this post).

More pumpkin- this time, slow roasted and ready to be turned into pumpkin soup. Recipe at the end of this post.

The cooked chicken hot pot. Oh my- just too good. I could eat it again and again. Recipe to follow.

A beautiful cloudscape I captured while walking one late afternoon. 

When I said this post had everything, here is my attempt at a selfie! I am feeling so confident in my skin again, I even posted a pic of me with wet curls. I must say, I am liking my eyebrows lots. The fabulously talented Lesley of PMU by Lesley N created these fabulous brows, and touched up my eyeliner too. (Thanks also to my amazing hubby for designing Lesley's website).

I believe that focusing on the good, forgiving, seeking wise counsel, eating healthy food and doing regular, gentle exercise when able has significantly helped me feel confident in my skin again. 

Of course, a bit of cosmetic enhancement is always a bonus, but it wouldn't make any difference if I didn't like the face they were going on.

This journey has really helped me value myself, which has included drastically changing my diet and respecting good health. That change has also filtered into my thinking- I want to feel healthy emotionally too, so I choose to fill my mind with things that build myself and others up. 

Health is like a diamond- multi faceted. No one area is everything. Diet is as important as being emotionally whole, and mentally active.  

And in regards to diet, I have learnt this. No one thing suits everybody. We are all so uniquely different. But, I will say, whether you eat meat, go paleo, are vegetarian or vegan, by cutting processed foods (for me, that also includes bread), added sugars, eat food in portion controlled sizes and in as natural a state as possible (I don't mean only raw- just not packaged, pre-made everything), you will notice a major improvement in your overall health, and waist line. This has worked for me, with minimal exercise.

Another beautiful morning. I have discovered the pre sunrise is my all time fave. The colours are stunning and only last for a minute or two. Love the calmness and the gentle hues of this time of day.

A big brekky for my hardworking hubby. I may/may not have snuck some too :)

A warm, sunny, late autumn day, and this is the beach. Seriously, I live in paradise!

Another glorious early morn. Too pretty.

Some brekky parfait preparations: natural yoghurt, topped with fibre mix, topped with pepitas, some fresh passionfruit, mandarin segments, walnuts and organic coconut shreds. Delish!

A big zucchini slice made in a quiche flan. I can't get enough of this slice, it's seriously my addiction when I make it.

I like to pile my warm slice with warm and cold veg; cherry tomatoes, red capsicum, grated beetroot, spinach and cooked mushrooms. Best dinner out.

Lastly, freshly made yesterday, is my nut loaf, aka miracle bread, aka life changing loaf. Recipe is here.

I have found that you can substitute other nuts/seeds, as long as the measurements are the same. I ran out of sunflower seeds and topped them up with sesame seeds, walnuts and pepitas. Still turned out beautifully.

And now, please see below for recipes. And before I post them, I would like to thank each and everyone of you for following my journey to a better outlook and a healthier body and soul x

PUMPKIN SCONES

Ingredients:

30gms butter

1 tbsp rice malt syrup

1.5 cups drained, cooked, well mashed pumpkin

1 egg

2 cups unbleached, whole wheat SR flour

pinch salt

1/3 cup sultanas

milk for glazing

Method:  

Preheat oven to 200 C.

Beat butter and rice malt together til creamy.

Mix in pumpkin and egg.

Mix flour and salt together with sultanas, then add to wet mix.

Knead on a lightly floured board.

Pat or roll out to desired thickness.

Cut into scone rounds and place on a tray with baking paper.

Brush each scone with milk.

Bake for 15-20 minutes, or until golden brown.

These scones freeze well.

HOMEMADE TOMATO SAUCE (Thank you I Quit Sugar Family Budget Meals)

Ingredients:

2 x 400gm tins chopped tomatoes

1/2 onion, finely chopped

1/3 cup apple cider vinegar

1/2 tsp sea salt

1 tbsp rice malt syrup

1 tsp ground allspice

1 tsp ground cinnamon

1/2 tsp ground cloves

1/2 tsp cayenne pepper

Method:

Combine all ingredients in a saucepan and simmer for 25-35 minutes, or until thickened.

Blend with a stick blender for a smoother, thicker consistency.

Fridge it for a month in a glass jar, or freeze for up to 3.

CHICKEN HOT POT

Ingredients: 

Coconut or olive oil for frying

500gms of chicken thighs, chopped into chunks

1.5 cups chicken stock (or water)

2 carrots, sliced

1/4 cauliflower, broken into large florets

5 baby potatoes, halved

1 large onion, roughly chopped

1/2 tsp ground allspice

2 bay leaves

1/2 tsp salt

2/3 cup homemade tomato sauce

1 tspn ground black pepper

1/3 cup sour cream

Method:

Cook off chicken in batches.

Bung chicken, and everything else (except black pepper and sour cream) into a slow cooker.

Cook for 3-3.5 hours on high.

Remove bay leaves.

Add black pepper and sour cream. 

Stir through, and turn off heat.

Serve with rice, chunky bread or on its own. 

Word of advice- tastes even more amazing the day after!

ROAST PUMPKIN SOUP

Ingredients:

1 tbsp olive oil

1/2 a pumpkin, cut into wedges (I like skin on)

1 onion, chopped roughly

2 baby potatoes

1/2 a tsp curry powder

1/2 tsp salt

1/2 tsp sweet paprika

water

Method:

Pre-heat oven to 200 C.

Brush pumpkin segments with oil and cover with salt. Roast for 35-45 minutes or until browned and caramelised.

Ad pumpkin with all other ingredients to a large pot and add enough water to cover well.

Bring to the boil then reduce to a simmer for 35-40 minutes, or until reduced.

Use a stick blender to puree the soup. If too thick- can be reheated and simmered for another 10-15 minutes, stirring often.

Enjoy! 

There you have it, dear readers, a full post to keep you sated until I one day return. As always, thanks for reading!

Lovin my oven!

A beautiful bit of scenery to welcome you back.

I love creek walks at this time of year. Blue skies, cool air and beautiful, crystal clear water. Sigh. Heaven.

As you can tell by the title, I'm lovin my new oven! Seriously, it cooks things in a fraction of the time, is cool to touch, and so shiny and new. I am one happy girl! Before I get onto the amazing delights I have prepared so far, I have once again managed to snap some glorious skies...

View from the back field on a walk with my sweet bubby a few days ago. Pity the heavy machines have now taken residence to prepare this empty space for a massive development. Grateful to have had the opportunity for as long as I've had to enjoy the lush, green space, and this uninterrupted view. 

View from my bedroom window; a sunset brightening the burbs. 

With hubby so incredibly busy with study and travel, I am trying to keep on top of healthy, convenient lunches. These wraps were some of several I made to grab and go.

This was a big week for my sweet bubby girl. She started Family Daycare one day a week. Here is my big girl, playing in my walk in robe, before her big first day.

And here she is sitting in a big girl chair as morning tea was served.

 I had such mixed feelings before sending her to care, but after the day, I was put at ease. My sweet girl is such a social bub who loves company, is extremely curious and energetic. With her settling into care, when uni starts for me next month, I will at least have one dedicated day to study. I desperately need that, because with her home- study just won't happen. This blog barely happens. What toddlers lack in size, they make up for in every other way- they make noise & mess, need cuddles, attention & food, a clean nappy quite a lot, more food, then some distraction & games. Then times it all by a zillion each day...!!! Hectic. And wonderful. Just not study friendly. I am extremely grateful to have found a local Family Daycare with a lady I know well, trust and respect. My sweet bubby is in very good hands.

I shall calm myself down from that toddler description with a lovely sunrise.

I have also had to keep on top of my protein balls for hubby. Gotta say- I like these! May have to make another secret batch just for me :)

Another beautiful sunrise, taken 2 days ago.

Now, lets get onto my oven! To be quite honest, I haven't made a huge amount in it yet. What I have made though, has cooked in no time at all! Fan forced awesomeness right there. Take a look at what has been privileged to be cooked in this amazing new appliance... 

A weekend treat pizza. Not only did it cook in no time, but the ingredients were dirt cheap as well. The flour for the base was inexpensive, the tomato sauce was a drained tin of chopped tomatoes, seasoned. The mince was on special, as was the cheese. Whole ingredients that are budget friendly make great guilt free family meals.

This is a slice of the first new oven lasagne. It cooked perfectly! My bubby loved it too :)

To go with tonight's dinner, I needed this fresh basil growing in my yard.

Before I show you what I did with the basil, I managed to finish this today- colouring in my Mother's day card from hubby :)

I love the cards my sweet man gives me- always homemade, always beautifully unique and containing precious words that melt me. Yes, I am spoiled, and grateful.

The basil went on to make the middle bowl of fresh pesto. The other bowls contain fresh hummus and avocado dip. They perfectly complimented roast sweet spuds. Great Autumn dinner to share with my girls.

I must say, dear readers, I am truly unsure how to keep this blog going. I welcome feedback if any of you want it to continue. My weight is stable- 59kg's this morning. I had managed to get down to my wedding weight of 58 kg, but then, a birthday happened and eating naughty treats occurred, For a few days. Oops. Back on track this week though!

I thank everyone for the feedback I have received thus far. It blesses me immensely when people have told me they have made certain recipes, sometimes again and again. 

Look forward to hearing your thoughts. And, as always, thanks for reading :)