Seeds & seasons

Spring is almost here. Sure, living where I do, it already feels like it's been here for weeks. Either way, spring signifies a new season. A season of growth, reproduction. A season of new life. A new beginning.

My new beginning is hiding. Not dead, just dormant, buried beneath a huge amount of fertiliser, otherwise known as poo. 

I find myself in a place of feeling like everything I've held on to is dying. I'm unsettled, uncomfortable: the comfort zone I thought I had isn't even soft and padded anymore. 

Nothing is familiar.

No where feels safe.

No where except in the presence of my God.

If I thought the decent into menopause was lonely, weird (for me & others!), scary and frightening enough, thank you very much, this year has thrown so, so much more my way.

My pancreatitis attack in April terrified me. 

Being sick while awaiting further tests was disconcerting. 

Trying to push through, keep commitments and prove to others, myself, and God that I was still capable: exhausting.

Going on a 3500 k journey to rescue a depressed, confused parent so that we didn't lose him (click here for details), only to lose him in a different way: utterly heartbreaking. Especially as it's not the first time he's been an absent father. Wasn't prepared for how hard it would hit me as an adult. At all.

Dealing with a child with a mental illness: heartbreaking.

Having surgery to remove my gallbladder was actually a positive. I felt so amazing after it, even during the tender, healing phase, that I thought it signaled an end to the yuck and blah and was the start of a fantastic new season. 

Even having my real estate agent, his rental property assistant and both of the owners visit the day after my hospital release for 'repair inspections' didn't bother me too much- except that I always like to make the house spotless. Thanks to hubby and my Lizzy for seeing to that.

I was even thrilled that they were not only willing to give me a new stove, but agreed to fix the fans.

Two weeks later, while awaiting repairs and wondering why they hadn't happened, I got a 'cease & desist' letter from the real estate, accusing me of illegal sub letting. Apparently, a neighbour officially complained, and they came down and 'saw it for themselves', even though I told them I had a student visiting from overseas, and introduced her.

This literally felt like a kick in the guts. It completely unsettled me and my peace vanished.

Now, my very home was under threat, all because of lies and assumptions.

What's tougher, knowing that you and your hubby don't have an income that will support moving, or being accepted as viable renters. A full time student and at home mum/ carer in this market...! 

I had to explain every detail of our home life; who was visiting, when they arrived and would be leaving, who slept where, just to stop further action.

Another few weeks went by. Still no new stove or fan repairs. Contacted real estate, still unsure if I had a secure home. Stove got fixed that day. Fan repairs retracted by owner. I put them in, I fix them. 

Way to treat a tenant who has faithfully paid rent 2 days in advance for most of her 13.5 years of living here, keeps the place clean, lives according to Body Corp rules and regs, and has stuffed your pockets with more than $150,000 in rent.

However...

A new season is coming. 

As are lots of tears.

Tears are good. The seed may be buried, but it won't grow unless it's watered. 

I want to draw away to heal. Not isolate, but retreat to refresh and renew.

I need to create. Hubby sent me this. Oh my goodness- his timing is amazing! As is Jim Carey! This clip resonated with me on so many levels...click this to view.

Creative ideas are flowing, stronger now than I've felt for years. I have to express them.

A new home will come- I won't let my dreams die. Hope has to reside somewhere or nothing lives.

I don't know what is going to grow out of the dormant seed, but I hope the new me that bursts forth is gutsy, confident, strong, determined, whole, creative, bright, soft, loyal, loving and overflowing with joy.

I want to live like this...

Fearless, leaping into a bright and colourful future!

Painting by me.

These girls deserve this kind of mum.

In the meantime, I'll paint and write my way 'til she appears.

xxx

Community gardens update: Destruction and growth.

Apologies for the extreme length of time that has lapsed between community garden updates. I was banned from the garden for the whole 4 weeks of my post surgery recovery. I protested, but when my navel scar played up, causing a lot of pain and swelling in the fourth week, a healthy dose of fear came over me and I decided to enjoy some time off while I could.

Some sad news. We lost a brilliant worker- Paul. Worry not, he is alive and well, just living in a new location with his lovely partner, Karen. He will be missed, both for his dedication and hard work at the gardens, and for who he is. In fact, they will both be missed. 

In my absence, so much has happened alongside losing a great worker and person. Centrelink and a job network provider have visited hubby, discussing the gardens and extra workers as part of the work-for-the-dole project. My daughter, Sarah, has also come on board. Having her there is wonderful! Another worker, Michael, has also returned, and still another may be back as well.

Great news for moving forward with the garden!

We have also had our share of vandalism yet again. As disheartening as it is, hubby and I have had way more practice at being stubborn, and we will just keep repairing and moving forward.

The following pictures show some of the recent happenings. Many more pictures have been taken, but not on my phone. In the coming weeks, I will get around to as much of the progress as I can to keep you all updated.

Until then, take a look...

Bridge vandalism. 

Who knows what goes through the heads of vandals? So upsetting seeing damage like this.

Thankfully, hubby was able to fix it quickly. Now the posts, and graffiti, just need a re-spray.

Broccoli! I've never grown broccoli before, so I'm thrilled with this. Happy to say, nearly every plant is producing heads like this.

The spinach is perfect for picking now, which I have been doing, often. 

The first of the chili's has started to fruit.

Though a little straggly, the tomatoes have leapt out of the ground. They will benefit from securing though.

My Sarah helped me do this- secure 25 metres of weed matting onto the slope. I was determined to do this before spring officially hits, even though it's been pretty hot already. I have strong memories of the pain inflicted by jumping ants and don't want to be weeding when they start becoming active.

Last week, when my camera decided to die, Sarah and I weeded the slope, and hubby took barrow load after barrow load of weeds to the compost heap.

We didn't remove all, but made a huge reduction so that placing this matting down wasn't too difficult...except for around the bougainvillea thorns.

My beautiful jonquils in bloom! Love their heady scent.

This speaks particularly to me at present...even though it looks dead, the hydrangeas are starting to bud. They are about to burst with new life after all.

Hubby and Michael have spent a lot of time planting out new garden beds near the bike track. The era of kids cutting down natives and constantly recreating bike tracks has to end, and by transplanting into strategically placed beds, hopefully the problem is solved.

Another view of the biodegradable, felt weed matting. Honestly, it looks so much better than scraggly weeds.

It's my commitment to make the slope neat, manage the weeds and replant this whole top section.

Satisfying when the job starts to get done.

Oh goody, more destruction :(

Hubby got right onto it though.

The jasmine I planted is not only flowering, but starting to take over its section of slope. I for one am thrilled! Looking forward to seeing a carpet of heavenly scented blooms all over the place :)

And there you have it, a peek into what has been happening. Plenty more to come! Watch this space.

Veggie garden fare: quinoa tabbouleh

Honestly, what is more rewarding and satisfying than growing your own fresh produce? Even better, when you get to share what you've grown with others.

After recent health adventures, I haven't given the veggie garden much attention at all. I was concerned that it wouldn't be thriving, especially as hubby isn't inclined to remember to water things I've planted. 

I needn't have worried. It's thriving!

The last couple of weeks of my recovery, my awesome daughter, Sarah, diligently watered the veggie garden for me. And has taken to weeding it as well. 

Most of the plants are leaping out of the ground. There have been some casualties: zucchini plants that rotted and died, the mint was attacked by a bug of some sort and has only just started picking up. Capsicum plants are struggling, and because I haven't attended to them, the tomatoes and peas are falling over and straggly. 

Still, more successes than losses.

I love taking my sweet Miss 3 to the gardens for some herb collecting. She loves finding weeds and ripping them out. Still teaching her what a weed is, but gotta love her enthusiasm.

The other day, I harvested a bountiful crop of yellow beans, parsley, what I thought was parsley but turned out to be celery leaves (I completely forgot what I had planted!), spinach, basil and coriander. I had enough to share.

The rest, I turned into a simple, easy and delish meal. 

As I'm trying to eat healthy post gallbladder removal, having healthy food on tap is helpful. I'm sure you'll love this as much as we all did.

QUINOA TABBOULEH

recipe adapted from food.com

Ingredients:

1/2 cup rinsed quinoa

1 cup water

1/4-1/3 cup olive oil

3 medium ripe tomatoes

1/4 cup fresh mint, roughly chopped

1/2 red onion, finely diced

large bunch parsley, roughly chopped

1/2 large lemon, juiced

salt & pepper

Method:

• Place quinoa and water in a pan. Add salt. Boil, then turn heat to low. Simmer for 15 mins or until tender. 
• Drain and allow to cool.
• Place quinoa in a bowl with tomatoes, onion, parsley and mint.
• Place olive oil and lemon juice in a container with salt and pepper. Mix well.
• Pour over salad. Mix through.

Tastes great on toasted Oat Bread, or served with a veggie slice, with meat, or even with eggs for a quick, healthy lunch.

Enjoy!

Miss 3 loves visiting the garden with me to prune and collect fresh herbs.

Fresh yellow beans, growing in abundance.

A healthy salad made from fresh garden produce.

A perfect side to a simple, one bowl veggie slice (recipe to follow).

There you have it, simple, healthy, chemical free, garden to table food. What could be better!

Oat Bread

We are back to having a full house. That means a lot of hungry mouths to fill. 

I admit, since slowing down after my recent surgery, I am once again lovin' the kitchen and oven :)

Nothing says love and comfort, and is guaranteed to draw a crowd quite like freshly baked bread on a cool winters day. Especially when it's hand made.

Making your own bread is just the most therapeutic thing you can do. The act of kneading and proving the bread in itself is just so satisfying, and that's before you get to the eating!

This oat bread was a total winner- I know because I've been asked to make it again, and our guest wants the recipe for her mother to make when she is back home in Italy. Its slightly sweet, dense, and fairly heavy texture is perfect as a stand alone meal for a lazy weekend. As a bonus, it's cheap to make too.

I will point out- it is not gluten free. It has oats, but also plain flour. I would like to experiment with other flours in the future though. 

OAT BREAD

(adapted from a Family Circle recipe found in Bread and Buns)

Ingredients:

1 cup rolled oats

1.5 cups water

2 x 7g sachets dried yeast

1/2 cup warm water, extra

1 tsp caster sugar

1/2 cup warm milk

1 heaped tbs soft brown sugar or honey

1 tsp salt

3.5-4.5 cups unbleached plain flour

Method:

• Oil a loaf tin and line with baking paper.
• Pre-heat oven to 180 Celsius.
• Cook oats and water in a small pan on low heat until water is absorbed and oats are soft.
• Set aside to cool slightly.
• Dissolve yeast and sugar in warm water. Leave 'til frothy.
• Add yeast mix, milk, brown sugar and salt to oats. Stir well.
• Add 3.5 cups flour one cup at a time and mix until a soft dough forms. Add more flour if too sticky.
• Roll onto floured board and knead for 10 mins, adding more flour as needed, until dough is soft but not sticky.
• Place in a lightly oiled bowl and cover for 1 hr, or until well risen.
• Punch dough down and knead for 1 minute. Split into two parts.
• Roll one part into a loose rectangle that fits neatly into bottom of loaf tin.
• Split the other section into 3 parts, securing at one end. Loosely plait, then gently secure other end.
• Brush base with water, then place on top of loaf tin.
• Sit in a warm place for a further 45 mins or until well risen.
• Bake for around 45 mins or until a skewer comes out clean. Bread should sound hollow when tapped.
• Allow to cool...if you can! 

This bread is amazing eaten the day of baking, but also tastes great fresh or toasted the next day, and the day after-assuming it will last that long!

This is the stuff I'm talking about- chunky, fresh and deliciously satisfying bread. Nothing artificial, just comfort food at its best.

The sugar creates a very sticky dough. Makes it a bit tricky to work with, so have extra flour on hand.

Not the neatest plait in the world. It really doesn't matter, just adds to the rustic charm of home made.

The bread looks quite crumbly if sliced immediately out of the oven. It doesn't affect its flavour at all. It does slice better if allowed to cool.

And yes, 2 inch thick slices are completely acceptable, possibly even mandatory.

There you have it, a reason to enjoy the last remaining days of winter. Really, whatever the season, this baby is worth baking!

Enjoy!