It is with a heavy heart I attempt this post. Its absolutely bucketing with rain. A large part of me is grateful, yet another part is looking at the washing pile and groaning. Thankfully though, this rain is cooling things down a degree or two. It's been ridiculously hot for March.
I have been extremely upset and snappy lately. Numerous reasons, hormones a big one. My body is changing. Face it, I'm 4.5 yrs off 50. Bound to happen sooner or later. I don't feel like myself. I'm also sad that, other than my beautiful non teen, I have no close friend to share this with. I know I'm loved, and have friends, but I still don't have close friends- or an available close friend. No one to have a 'Help! I'm going nuts and need to talk now!' coffee catch up with. No one to share my joy of fitting into my freshly washed jeans easily after only one week of gym. No one to talk to about the challenges of married life with. That's a burden my non teen doesn't need to share with her mother.
I am lonely. Heart-breakingly, soul crushingly lonely. I was tempted to do a barista course just to get a Saturday cafe job and have people to talk too. Sad, but true.
I know I live in a house full of people, in a complex of people. That isn't the same. My neighbours...some of them live by their own rules, which makes town house living, well, special. I am so used to sleeping with a pedestal fan and ceiling fan going, with ear plugs. I don't hear much then. It's lovely. Not sure what to do when winter finally hits though. Two fans may make things rather chilly.
Living in a tiny townhouse ill designed for noise control and privacy is a challenge. We have the tiniest yard out of the 6 units. Private conversations are not likely to occur if you are sitting out back. We hear everything, and the neighbours can too. This we know too well! Even a normal volume conversation in our lounge room can be clearly heard outside by all nearby. Its quite depressing at times. Then there is the too tiny kitchen, and back yard. Breaks my heart to realise that my sweet bubby can't play there. We have rough, uneven bricks. Though I have gym mats down, of course, like any curious little one, she wants to explore her surrounds. The bricks leave her skin red raw. Then there are the vicious green ants...
It's all just too much. But, though it's cheap for the area, it is as much as we can afford. Looking for another home sounds lovely, but not realistic. I have honestly run out of ideas.
And as for my home... I am actually my teens legal carer. Long, drawn out story, but that is how it stands for now. It is at times an extremely tough journey, but one I believe will keep improving. I have a busy hubby who relies on me, a bubby, and the third different German teen since getting pregnant. In fact, my sweet bubby has had three different teens in our house in her short life. Each one comes with their own family values, and brings their own set of challenges. It is rewarding, but requires, at times, a huge amount of emotional and physical energy expenditure. I am honestly tired now, and looking forward to discovering what life with my little family feels like.
There you have it, a condensed version of my struggles. Hope this makes you appreciate the emphasis I normally put into seeing the positive in every post.
Now, let me show you, in random order, the past few days...
Friday's brekky, a simple (but messy) 2 poached eggs and a nectarine.
My sweet bubby, enjoying her first taste of tofu. She loved it!
Yesterdays brekky: a flour-less pancake topped with natural yoghurt and pawpaw.
Last nights dinner (the fams, not mine): home made pumpkin and potato soup topped with fried bacon and sour cream.
Let me show you a little something I've been dying to try...
CASHEW MAYONNAISE
Ingredients:
150gms (or 1 cup) raw cashews, soaked in warm water for at least 2 hrs.
1/4 cup water.
1 heaped tbsp coconut flakes, soaked with cashews.
Juice of 1 lemon.
2 cloves garlic.
1tsp salt.
1/2 tsp white pepper.
1/4 cup olive oil.
1 tbsp coconut oil.
Method:
Drain cashews and coconut.
Place in a processor with all ingredients except olive and coconut oil.
Blend til smooth. May need sides wiped down as you go.
Slowly drizzle oils in while blender is on.
Check consistency. If it's too thick, add a little more water and check after each addition/ blending.
Store in an container in the fridge.
Enjoy! I certainly do :) It's so yummy!
The simple first step: soaking the cashews and coconut.
The finished mayo, ready to be spread over my lightly fried tofu. Yes, I'm going through a tofu phase again :)
My lunch at Mandala Vegan restaurant on Friday. Ahhhh- Mazing!
Taken by my non teen...love this pic. My sweet treasure and her mumma. So blessed :)
Can't forget the sunrises! Here is this morning's.
And here is this morn's brekky: half an omlette made by moi for me and hubby. Bubby had some too :)
A well needed cappuccino with my non teen this eventful Sunday (that's another story!).
And lastly, tonight's dinner: super easy veggie full quiche. Puff pastry is my friend.
And there you have it, a bit to ponder, and hopefully, a recipe to try. Thank you for your time. I hope to be organised enough to post tomorrow nights veggie feast dinner. When hubby's away at uni, the meat goes into hiding!
Until next time :)
No comments:
Post a Comment