You can't run from the ugly

No matter how hard you try, you just can't run from the ugly.

Before you all get on your moral high horse, I'm taking the ugly that resides inside. 

I often feel quite the social pariah. I've learned from a young age that my intensity and sensitivity is a bit too much. For many people. Fit in? Follow the status quo? Nope. Not me. 

Here's a trend I've noticed. We admire those who go through heart break/grief/loss/pain silently. We praise them for their strength and resolve. Expressed emotions make us feel, well, uncomfortable. Even if the vocal person is still pressing forward, we often don't feel as gracious towards them. 

How very 1950's of us. Valium anyone?

Me, on the other hand. I'm the one at the gym grunting and groaning. If it hurts, you'll hear about it.  I don't mean to be supremely expressive and upset your sensible, rational day. It's just how I'm wired. 

I feel. Extremely. So I express it in kind. If I praise, it's overflowing. If I'm hurt, it's deeply. And so it goes. 

Recently, hubby and I went on a brief escape to a wonderful shire called New England. It is as it sounds; a beautiful pocket of Australia with wonderfully cool climate weather and the charm of the mother country. 

As suspected, I fell in love, wanted to buy a house and start a new life. Right then and there. I desperately wanted to escape the coastal ugly. The overpriced, the rushed, the scorching hot, the growing crowds and crowded living, the unfavorable culture shift.

That would make life better.

Would it make my menopause struggle go away? Highly unlikely. Though hot flushes may be welcomed during a longer winter :) 

Would it resolve my struggle with identity? Nope. As I'll be taking myself with me, that will resurface again. And again. Best I deal with it now.

Would it solve my struggle to form lasting, deep friendships? Not unless I learn how to do them right while here. Otherwise, history repeats.

Do I still want to move? Absolutely! However, now is not the time. 

Something occurred to me recently. How can I get through this painful season?How can I accept myself? And how can I genuinely love and understand everyone? I mean, we are all so different, how is that possible? 

To get through my normal aging graciously, I will continue to seek help. People may run, scream and hide, but thankfully, Dr's won't. Today, I was given my 3rd script to manage my symptoms/transition as the last 2 had unwelcome side effects.  I will keep attacking my diet, and factoring exercise into my daily life. I will get through this!

How can I accept myself? Accepting how I'm wired is a big step forward. I'm allowed to be me. I also need to do what sets my heart free. I love nature, connect with my creator in wide open spaces, love reptiles and birds and fish and flowers. I also LOVE to write. I mean, creative writing. I have set aside one day a week as of last week to allow myself space to create, and you know what. 

It. Felt. Amazing! 

I felt joy. 

I felt peace.

Even though I only managed 2000 words of a YA novel, because I know I'm also creatively wired, by doing something for me, I felt literally free-for the first time in forever. 

By letting my creative out, I'm actually making myself less wired and intense for others too. So its a win/win.

Now, to friendships. I had a revelation recently. 

Just love people. Through ugly emotions. And face it, we've all had them.

Listen. I mean, really listen. You don't have to solve the problem, just give someone your genuine attention. Your time is valuable and will be remembered. 

Forgive. Quickly. 

And, guess what. Do the same to yourself. Because you're going to treat people how you treat you.

This may sound simple, but it came with powerful revelation. 

Now, you deserve a break! Take a look at some snaps of our blissful, brief getaway...

Hubby and I are a quirky pair. We don't fancy modern. So when we found an airbnb cottage in Glen Innes, we were thrilled.

Stopping as soon as we hit Tenterfield (to find a loo), this gorgeous old style home caught my eye. Combined with the slight chill in the air, I was in love! 

This public park in Tenterfield was stunning. Love conifers.

My sweet girl in our large borrowed yard. I miss space!

I'd love a rose bush in my back yard...one day.

Beautiful Armidale. 

Making new friends in Armidale :)

Love seeing cooler climate plants I'm unfamiliar with.

These guys made an impression...on my little girls top. Oops!

To some, it may be just a door, but to me, its a gorgeous piece of yesterday. Love retro homes and old style everything. 

Fabulous Miss nearly 3, who chose her own attire :)

Off exploring the Standing Stones with daddy.

A visit to the little cafe was wonderfully fattening, and the service was excellent.

Giant conifers evoke wonderful childhood memories of exploring inside them and making cubbies.

A pretty picnic spot.

Historic Tenterfield.

Stunning old park gazebo...so well kept too.

One thing we noticed inland, they take their parks seriously. The facilities are excellent. How do we know this? Thanks to this little cutey, we stopped at every one!

Our historic mansion for the last night, Stannum House.

The interior was our dream. Both hubby and I adore olde worlde everything. We have a replica Victorian lounge suite! So, walking through this house was an absolute dream!

Sigh. Now that's a formal dining room. 

At last, I'll leave you with all of that to ponder at your leisure. Thanks for sharing the journey with me.