Made it with my sanity intact!

Made it with my sanity intact! Debatable, actually. 

I took this sunrise this morning. When I'm feeling out of control, I need natures beauty to calm me down. 

Gratitude really helps too.

This week has been a colourful emotional roller coaster for sure. Full of highs, and lows, have a quick look at the week that was...

Monday

Got an early morning text from hubby saying someone had illegally dumped green waste at our community garden project. Turned up to see tyre tracks ripping down the slope, and a huge pile of waste dumped in the creek and spilling out onto the grass. What a way to start the week :(

Later, I took my toddler swimming. Oh dear. Little miss scream a lot inhaled more water than she swam through, I'm sure. She was so distressed, we had to exit the pool before the lesson finished. Whatever happened to our little cheeky water baby?! Even bath times have become a battle ground. Toddlers are so confusing at times. Lucky they are cute.

Tyre tracks of the inconsiderate dumper. Not impressed at all.

Some of the rubbish thoughtful people have dumped into the creek.

As frustrating as it is, I have to hold onto the hope that, soon enough, it will be a beautifully loved, landscaped area for the community.

Tuesday

After my 2nd last PT sesh this morn, my dearest dad came down. Initially is was to pick up the new phone we got for him- with larger text and an easier to use key pad. It turned into an epic hardware trip day.

While here, it was obvious that his health is deteriorating rapidly. Even getting into and out of the car was taxing on him and left him breathless. Combined with him talking of who gets what when he goes, and reminiscing about the past ...sad day. I'm proud he is a hardworking 86 year old. I am also very aware he hasn't got forever left :(

We were gifted with a trailer today! Still in shock. And here the learning curve commences. Trailers need blue slips- even sparkly new trailers. Once all this new and confusing paperwork is sorted out, we can use it to re-dump (at cost) the rubbish people have dumped onto our (the churches) lot.

I will end today with a positive note...second band prac in the evening- first time on a mike for years. I'm obviously not as confident as before, and I also have to re-learn harmonies and new songs, but overall, I loved it- they are the best group of people to be with :)

Wednesday

After an impossibly hot, humid night (seriously, get lost summer), I woke at 3:30 and struggled to get back to sleep, after struggling to fall asleep.  My sweet girl woke at 5, hot and hungry. After her bottle, she was snuggly. Even though repulsively humid, I snuggled my sweet little girl. How could I refuse her?

Last PT sesh this morn- leg day. And I smashed it! I can't believe at how much stronger I am. I took 2 whole minutes off my time trial too, impressing my trainer, and myself, and earned myself a $10 discount as a reward :)

I LOVE weights, and can now do real push ups, not the rest on your knees type. I am determined to keep this level of strength up, and work on my cardio. I was praying I wouldn't have a heart attack at the gym during my time trial. Yep, cardio definitely needs some work.

Thursday

The intense heat and humidity is crazy. And my moods match. I'm having an estrogen dominated cycle: constant vile mood swings and tears- basically, PMS on steroids. Yay. 

Lucky for all, its community garden day, the perfect opportunity to let some of my cranky pants out with hard work.

The day was incredibly productive. It took me several attempts to mow the main section. The heat was oppressive, and my legs were a little sore from my training the previous day. Thankfully, our pastor came out with coffee, water and icy cold lemonade- so gratefully received! 

Ben turned up to help again, and worked like crazy helping chain saw and remove lopped trees with hubby. The trailer was invaluable today, being used to cart and dump branches along the barrier.

Met a lovely neighbour as well who offered us some bath tub planters and seeds from her garden. This made up for the rude garden dumpers from Monday.

We stayed the longest we've stayed on a Thursday. It was undeniably hard work, but the progress is worth it.

Credit to my amazing hubby for working like crazy, even in the heat.

The lopped umbrella tree we had to clean up.

Hubby fixed the shed doors.

My little mowing buddy is back :)

The trailer loaded with yet more tree refuse.

Ben chainsawing a fallen tree into pieces with hubby supervising.

Friday

All plans we had today fell by the wayside. The weather is oppressive and our bodies spent. I am struggling with my moods again. A lot. I hate the hormonal roller coaster. Its not only frightening- one minute I feel fine, the next, like a slap out of no-where, I'm incredibly irritable at everything- it's distressing as I take it out on others,  and then I'm teary. 

I'm actually sure I prefer the vague, tired symptom to this one. It's horrible to experience. It's also horrible to watch people cringe around you. 

I am extremely open about my struggle with my family, and others really. I'm currently not particularly aware of myself when I go off, and at times, everything makes me cry. All I can do is apologise, and hope they are patient with me as I journey through this bumpy season of change.

The night ended well though. Hubby and I watched Better Homes & Gardens together. We got inspired for our community garden project. Pity our current budget doesn't match our desires...yet!

Saturday

Feeling so angry today. No idea why. Slept ok, except for 3 wake ups. Not overly hungry. Just. So. Angry. No reason for this craziness. Oh wait- hormonal upheaval...!!! Hurry up and be next week so I can start medication- I want to feel sane again, and in control and balanced. 

Did my morning cleaning job. Started at 7:30am and sweated standing still, it's insanely hot still. Lots to clean today- added to my joyous mood. 

Hubby assembled my bike. Front tyre was pancake flat, back had some air. After cleaning this morn, I walked in the hot sun to the servo to pump the tyres as I was super keen to get to use my new purchase. Half way there, the front tyre came off the rim. Friends saw and helped while hubby drove out. Gave hubby the front tyre while lovely friends offered a cool drink and some shade at their home over the road. 

Fast forward- hubby pumped up tyre, lovely friend attached it. Hubby went home, I went to the servo to pump remaining tyre. Ended up walking home in the heat with a flat tyre and a vanishing valve. Now I have a lovely garden ornament :(

Take two tomorrow.

I will end with pictures of my little treasure. Through all of this crazy emotional roller coaster, she is my constant source of hugs and joy.

Greeted by this sweet little princess at day care on Thursday.

Playing 'sleeps' with dolly :)

No idea how she copes with the blanket in this heat though.

Who needs expensive toys! Give a toddler a box and watch them have a ball.

There you have it, a look into my week. One thing I do know- I need to seek help. It's crazy attempting to go through struggles alone. I need to sit down and get serious about being accountable to someone. It's vital I do, and the best way i can show love to myself and those affected by this season. 

Now, when it cools down (and I feel like cooking again), I aim to add recipes to my next post. Until then, thanks for reading :)