A new direction.

Who'd have thought that something as horrible as losing estrogen would suck quite as much as it does, throwing out several body systems simultaneously, like eye sight, memory recall and concentration, the ability to not lose it in public and having energy. And don't even talk about sex! 

And, who'd have thought it would send my life in a new direction?

Powerful little bugger, really.

I feel like I'm finally coming out of the fog. While wearing gumboots, made of cement. 

I have just spent the past several months desperate to find a way to control and/or manage my symptoms. Symptoms that were affecting my ability to function normally. As a previous disability worker, I worked calmly under pressure with ease, usually with a lotta wit and humour, even in some pretty scary situations. With hormonal change, the slightest thing set me into a panic and/or tears. And wit? What wit?! That would require a functioning brain. 

It's quite weird and bizarre when this change hits you unprepared, and in the case of declining hormones, you find yourself acting like great Uncle Fred who lost his marbles years ago, or cranky pants Aunty Vera who nobody wants to visit.

That's why I blog this. To educate and inform. And to remind you, precious ladies, that this is natural, you are NOT going crazy-there is hope! Not everyone's going to get you, some may walk away. But hang in there! 

Fast forward to 4 different medications, some crazy side effects and a lot of $'s later, I'm finally on the right hormone dose for me. It doesn't send me into a rage, I'm not sleeping 3/4's of the day and still smashed, or crying because I'm overly sensitive to life. It's worth the exorbitant price tag because it's not covered by the PBS. I'm feeling human again.

It's when life throws you curve balls, even naturally occurring ones, most of us like to take stock of a few things, like where we are headed, what we really value, etc.

For me, hitting menopause is a very unsubtle reminder of the aging process. Face it, in 2 and a bit years, I'm half a century old. I'm actually not young anymore. 

I'm also a mother to a gorgeous, delightful little person who fills my world with laughter, hugs-often sticky, an abundance of joy, not a huge amount of regular sleep, tantrums, treasure  hunts, random dancing, endless 'catch me's!' and so much life. Children are so refreshing!

It's this that has prompted change. I'm half way through a writing degree. While I love creative writing, the prospect of working in an office on graduation left me feeling quite a bit blahhh. But writing down all the stories in my head and bringing them to life has filled me with a sense of excitement. I can still use what I've learnt. Isn't that the point?

And being away from my baby just to earn dollars also left me feeling uneasy inside. So, I'm currently undertaking study to become a Teacher's Aid. And I couldn't be happier.

I value being involved in community.

I value being an available mum.

I value being creative.

I love making people smile.

I love making people feel valued.

Time to make these things a reality.

I'm pulling myself away from distractions like certain social media, and getting my head stuck into moving myself into these above realities. It's going to be a busy, but wonderfully productive new season of journeying towards my dreams.

Spotty pj's and my new resource book. 

Perfect reading for the cooler days ahead.