Life in my shoes

Permission to be real, if I may. Today was just plain hard. Learning to work out a balance is sometimes hard too. My life currently feels out of control. And really, it is. If we are honest, all we can control is our own behaviour, not circumstances or people. I am struggling in several areas, and to not acknowledge them is sticking my head in the sand. That never helped anyone. Acknowledgement leads to growth, if you let it.

My hubby is gentle,  a devoted husband and father, and the most incredible mind I know. My hubby also has health issues. That is hard to deal with at times. To ad to that, he pushes himself harder than anyone I know, and is on the go from as early as 3:30am some mornings to 9pm or beyond at night. He is never 'off', especially so at present with end of year assessments and an exhibition. Creative, intelligent people are brilliant and make significant changes in society, however, they are not always easy people to live with. Furthermore, when hubby pushes himself too hard, he crashes hard too. Then I have to pick up the slack. I find that very challenging with a family to look after too. But life is rarely one thing at a time. It all happens at once.

And as for me, I hurt again. A bit more than I can deal with. I have made a doctors appointment next week to investigate what is really going on. I am so annoyed- I was looking forward to getting my summer sexy back. But as exercise hasn't helped- even gentle stuff, I need help. I am not sure what the pathway to healing will look like, I just know I want to follow it 'til I get there. Then maybe, just maybe, I can pick up the slack a little more graciously.

Then there is my living situation. We have outgrown our current home. It's cramped with all of us in it, very noisy and offers little privacy. I would love a front yard, not a carpark to greet me when I open my front door. It was good for a season, with many amazing memories- a season where as a single mum, I raised my teen and non teen here safely until they both graduated high school, but that season is fast ending. So, I am still looking  for a suitable family home. Besides, hubby needs a dedicated art space. He outgrew the garage forever ago, and I'm not keen on chemical smell spilling into our adjoining kitchen ever again. It's less than ideal here. Yet on the flip side- even with the challenges and lack of space, so much has come out of this home even now.You do have to work with what you have.

Lastly, I am a frustrated artist. I am not creating, yet dream almost daily of projects and stories that I currently feel too exhausted for. I want that to change! Maybe this frustration is just the thing I need to push me into doing something about it?

I am challenging myself with how I can improve my attitude to help me get through this. Yes, you heard me, my attitude. It is a true statement- one I'm sure many have seen on face book- your attitude determines your altitude. So, so true. Cliched, but wise words. I will start with what I love about my home. Look below...

An amazing view of the sunrise over a vacant field. Often, it is accompanied by the smell of salt from the beach, which can often be heard. That's 

 something to be grateful for, and I am :)

I can still cook great food. My injuries don't prevent me from being healthy in the kitchen. This mornings breaky was delish- a steak, bacon and fluffy egg omlette with some spinach, cheese...

Topped with a quarter an avocado and drizzled with a little olive oil and cracked black pepper. 

I am closing here, but stay with me as I challenge myself to not stay down, but let these challenges help me grow into a more tolerant, creative person who chooses to see the bright side. Who is with me? 

Until next time, thanks for reading.